As I'm thinking...

As I'm thinking about the year ahead, and even the day ahead, I just wanted to say that this transformation is for me and me alone. It might affect some people down the road but I am hoping in a positive way. I don't want to change my life, I want to make my life better.

Here is my predicted routine that I have set:
Every night, try to get ready for bed between 10:00-10:30, unless needed else where.
Wash my face.
I used to have acne very very badly until I went to a dermatologist when I was in 9th grade. I started the drug Accutain, the summer before 10th grade. It is a very dangerous drug, it has some effects of depression which can lead to suicide and, being a girl, if I was pregnant very serious effects on the baby which could result in birth defects, mental problems or death. I do not regret going on the drug at all, if I didn't I would probably feel worse about myself today. Sure I have the occasional flare up but that is because of stress and the dirt on my face when I sleep with my make up on. If I keep my face clean and clear then I will feel better about myself.
Brush my teeth, because morning breath is rough.
And when I'm done with all that, make sure I have everything ready for the next day, maybe start making my lunches the night before so I'm not scrambling the next morning. Have my coffee ready to go in the coffee maker so I all I have to do is push a button. Maybe have my clothes in mind or at least clean. I have a big problem with doing laundry these days. I like doing it when no one is home so I'm not bugged with other things and forget about it, I like to do it while I'm watching TV in the basement or now exercising, so when the washer is done I immediately put it in the dryer. And on the weekends my parents are doing their laundry, and I am gone during the day like they are so in return, no clean clothes. Another new goal, start doing laundry whether someone is there or not.

And when all that is done, I go to sleep, hopefully for at least 7-8 hours, and wake up.
Wake up routine:
Set my alarm for 7:45 a whole 15 minutes earlier than I usually get up. Also I'm gonna try to hit the snooze button only ONCE, not 6.
Get up turn on coffee pot.
Change into workout clothes.
Go downstairs and do P90X for 1 hour. (Hopefully I will be done at 8:45)
Shower and get ready to start my day.

And then start the process all over again.
Also when I am doing this, if things get too crazy or I can't do a workout one day, I cannot stress over it and give up. My friend Hannah told me that and she is totally right. If I had a really bad day at work and just want to sit on the couch or lay in bed and watch a movie with a nice glass of wine in my hand, then I'm gonna do it! But I can't make a habit out of it. One day a week if needed.
As I'm thinking about doing all of this, I'm thinking about my friend Chris who has been doing his workout routine for years and he looks amazing. He also had body issues as well and he was determined to not have them anymore. He started going to the gym in college and went on a diet. He looks absolutely amazing now and he should really know that everyone thinks the same way I do.

The reason why I'm doing this is so I don't gain anymore weight. I want to be fit and happy about the way I look. Everyday I look in the mirror and say "I'm so effing fat" or I look at a picture and think "Wow I don't look that fat in that one". I also have the problem of thinking about how I used to look and constantly compare myself to that person. "Everyone gains weight in college", everyone says. Yes, but I'm not in college anymore. It's time to make a change and a change to a better life.

I plan on posting my current weight tomorrow. The best time to weigh yourself is in the morning after you use the bathroom. I actually don't know how much I weigh now, my goal weight is 120-123 lbs. I feel, from what I will see tomorrow, I have a long journey ahead of me, and I hope some of you can take that journey with me.

Tomorrow is the day that everything changes, I hope I have the support of my friends and family and all of you reading this...who ever you are.